I have struggled with mental illness since I was 12 years old. It started with depression from an event where someone I trusted hurt me in a way that took me over ten years to fully heal from. That turned to anxiety and suicidal thoughts. That turned to suicidal attempts. That turned to me being diagnosed with PTSD. It turned worse when I married a man who I had been warned about but hadn't listened. He turned very abusive and controlling. He went as far to making problems between me and my family and the night I left I ended up in the hospital. Then I became angry and bitter towards God. I just had my second divorce before the age of 30 that was the turning point for me that I honestly needed.
I have come to realize that all things are for our good especially the hard trails of our lives and there's always hope even when we don't feel it. For 17 years I struggled in ways I can never describe fully. As I look back I can see all of these tender mercies of a loving father who never left even though I thought he had. He led me to events where I met the kindest people who believed I could heal and have a bright future no matter my past. The savior would carry me when I couldn't even get out of bed and couldn't see a reason to keep living. God would send someone to me in the moment of such depression that I was seconds away from ending my life. He would inspire people to check in on me in my darkest of nights. He sent me my second husband who didn't give up on me until I had learned how to love myself and believe there was a reason for me to be on this planet.
After my second divorce I felt like all hope had left. But even though this hard time I have come to realize that God never left me. He prepared me for the divorce months before it happened. He allowed me to stay on friendly terms with my ex's family which is very rare after a divorce, even though in the middle of the divorce there was some rocky moments. He helped me get a healthy life and finding out answers to why I had been so sick for so many years. He gave me back my sister who I lost after marrying my first husband. He gave me hope that things would get better. He gave me back friends who I had missed for years who by some miracle missed me as well. He gave me a second chance at life. Through much prayers I found that I had lied to myself for years. I am a beloved daughter of God who has more worth and power in myself than I ever imagined possible. My life does matter and I make this world a better place because I'm here. So long as I do my best I'm enough to God just like I am. I have the courage and strength to follow my dreams and goals in life.
So if you are going through a mental illness or you are simply going through a hard time remember a few things. First you are a child of God and he loves you even if you don't see it right now. Second you are amazing and make this world a beautiful place because you are here. Third of you are doing your best that's all God asks. It's ok if your best is simply getting up to take a shower. Fourth of you need rest take it but then get up and remember you can do hard things. Fiveth it takes courage to admit you are struggling and need help. Sixth please reach out for help. Remember even if you don't see it right now there are people who want to help. There's professional help available and it's ok to reach out to them for the help you need. Seventh don't be ashamed that you are struggling. Even if you feel like your life is perfect it's very possible that there's a chemical problem and it's still ok to feel what you do. Last of all I promise if you go to God in prayer he will carry you through these moments until you can stand on your own again. God has never left us to go through trails on our own. We may leave him but the moment we come back he is there with his hands reaching out to us.
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