Hope in the darkness

 This past year has taught me that there's always hope no matter how dark it seems now. God is a god of hope and miracles. In the darkness is where we find and get close to God. So don't be afraid of the darkness or trails in your life because if you learn to draw close to God during those times not only will he help you find the courage and strength you stand in need of, but you will learn to be able to look back with gratitude in your hearts. 

This past weekend as I got a car on my way home from the dealership I couldn't stop crying. I realized that despite how hard this last year had been that I had gotten through the worst of it. There was a new beginning to the rest of my life. I not only had a car again but I had gained my freedom back. Although I couldn't ever put into words how grateful I am for such giving parents and a sister who has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known but I not only lost my marriage, my children this past year but for a time I lost my freedom of being able to go where I need to. 

Despite losing so much I had found God and gotten to know him this past year. I had found how powerful prayer is. When we feel like we can't go one more second let alone one more day feeling the way we do we can pray and he will give us strength we didn't know we had. When we feel like life can't get any worse and there's nothing to be grateful for we will find one small thing to be grateful for. For me it was butterflies. Everytime I would see one I would stop and it gave me hope in what felt hopeless. Or I would go to my sister's house and her daughter would laugh and I would cry inside because it reminded me that life was still beautiful and joyful even if I didn't feel it in the moment. Or my baby sister who isn't really a baby anymore but in my eyes always will be no matter how old she gets to be. She would ask do you love me and are you happy. I would answer yes most of the time even though it felt like a lie until a few days ago she asked and I realized for the first time in over two years I answered yes and I meant it this time. 

I found power inside of myself that I didn't realize was even there. I found that I still had something to give even in the worst of times. I found that people's lives were better because I was in there lives. I found that friends from my past had missed me for years. I found that there was still a reason that I was alive and the cancer had been found so early on to save my life because I was still needed and it was up to me to find out why. 

So if you are going through a hard time right now remember there's always hope even in the worst of times. Things will get better with time. One day you might look back at this trying time and be grateful for it because it changed you into a better person or you might come to understand why those trails had to happen. Never give up hope even if things seem dark right now.