Lessons from miscarriages

 Since March is a hard month for me especially this year as now I don't know if I will ever be able to have a family of my own I have been thinking about the lessons I have learned.  Just a year ago I experienced two miscarriages in the month of March and April right after the other.  

1) gods hand is in all things even in trails. I never would have thought that losing a part of myself would be a blessing but since my divorce a part of me is grateful.  I would have ended up being a single mother and it would have been much harder to be able to go back to school like I have.  

2) miracles happen if we only open our eyes to them. I remember like it was yesterday being told that I would never be able to conceive it brooke my heart. Then I was able to conceive and it was such a miracle! Then I lost three babies within a year and each time it felt like I would never be whole again.  Then I found out after bleeding for months finding out that I had cancer and tumors in my ovaries. Then after the surgery my obgyn told me that the tumors had caused the problem with going full term.  Then I thanked God for the heartache because at least I wasn't a single mother.  But I had hope that one day when I found the right guy for me I just might be able to have a family.  Even though I'm still waiting for that miracle I have faith in God that in his timing things will work out the way they are meant to.  

3) there's always hope because God only wants what's best for each of his children. Hes a God of love and hope.  Theres hope for the future even if it might not feel like it in the moment.  

I always imagined being a mother and wife,  having a family of my own.  But I have not been asked what I want but I have been able to choose how I will react.  I choose to have faith in the plan that God has in store for me even if it tears my heart apart.  I choose to believe that God understands better than I do and only wants what will be best for me and my future family.  I choose to put my heart and faith in him and know that he carries me when I can't go on anymore.  I choose to believe that I won't always feel this way and one day I will be whole again with a family of my own.