Easter a day of hope!

The savior of all men kind was risen today! Besides the birth of the savior this is the day that changed everything! 

I love Easter and the hope it gives.  Because of what happened today I know that death is not the end. I will see the people who I have grown to love.  Because of today the pain and tears of today will be wiped away and replaced with tears of joy and healing.  Because of today I have a savior who will carry me when I can't walk anymore.  Because of today I have hope for the future no matter what happens today.  I love my savior and all that he continues to do for me! 

Honestly is everything!

 Being able to live a life of honestly is the best.  You never have to remember what you said or did.  You also don't have to live with regrets because you always did the best you could.  Those who live with honor and honesty often come in last, but I would rather come in last than to lie and come in first.  

Believe better days are coming

 I have dealt with depression for the past 17 years and finally things are getting better! I always believed that I would have better days.  I always believed that God was good and that one day I would understand why I had to go through as much I had to.  I'm so grateful that I have finally found healing,  understanding,  and I am becoming happy. I'm so grateful that I had to go through finding out I had cancer and grateful for this divorce.  Even though my soon to be ex-husband will always be a good man in my eyes. These two events happening so close together gave me a new view on life and that better days will always come. 

If you are dealing with depression just know that in gods timing things will always get better. But many times right before things get better it will get worse. So if you feel like life is caving in and becoming more than you can handle just know all that means is that soon things will get better.  Just put your trust in God and know that there is a reason for everything.  God is amazing and he  won't ever leave you alone and good times will come again. 

Choosing faith instead of doubt

 I have come to realize that faith is a choice you make every day. Life beats you up and make it so easy to doubt yourself and God. Which makes choosing faith the harder choice to make.  So why do I choose faith in spite of the doubts that I have? I choose faith because anything in life worth having will never be easy. So by choosing faith that things will get better no matter where I am right now gives me hope to endure the trails that come into my life.  Choosing faith in love allows me to continue to open my heart and I have faith that one day a special guy will see the worth that I have as a daughter of God. I choose faith in the atonement which makes me know that I'm never alone even if I feel alone right now.  I choose faith in forgiveness because it sets me free to make something positive out of my life instead of becoming bitter and angry.  I choose faith in God and his will for my life because he sees more than I do and he wants more than I do. I choose faith in doing the right thing even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done because I know that I am doing the best I can with what I have been given.  I choose faith in myself because I have and will continue to do hard things in this life.  I choose to make the harder choice and have faith because its what sets me apart from the world and makes me feel like I can do anything in this life no matter how hard it becomes.  Make the choice to make the harder choice and choose faith so that you can live the best life you can.  

Never stop trying

 Many times we give up right before we succeed or something amazing comes into our life.  What if we had only held on for one more year, one more month, or one more day? Would the very thing we have been praying for and working towards finally come into our lives? Miracles happen every day we just need to open our eyes to them to God. God wants to bless us with the Miracles we stand in need of but are we going to let him to bless us? We need to first do the work and then stand still and see God do his mighty work in our lives.  

Suggestion number 4: Seek and expect miracles. Moroni assured us that “God has not ceased to be a God of miracles.” Every book of scripture demonstrates how willing the Lord is to intervene in the lives of those who believe in Him. He parted the Red Sea for Moses, helped Nephi retrieve the brass plates, and restored His Church through the Prophet Joseph Smith. Each of these miracles took time and may not have been exactly what those individuals originally requested from the Lord.

I have found that as I do the work needed and then stand still for God to do his mighty work in my life that Miracles happen in my life.  I have been praying for years to learn how to love myself and to find healing in certain relationships in my life. In order to learn how to love myself I first needed to lose myself and then I found out that my husband wanted a divorce. At first it was hard and hurt but then I started to put myself back together. What I found was this amazing woman that has gone through so much in life but learned how to survive. She learned how to love, how to have hope and faith in the darkness,  how to have compassion on the suffering of others around her. How to truly see others and want to help make it so they don't have to go through hard things alone.  How to be a friend towards others. I found healing in relationships that I never thought possible until I did the work and then learned how to be patient in the lords timing. Neither miracle came in the way or time I thought they would but when I gave up and turned towards the lord they finally came into my life. I know that as you learn how to pray and work for the Miracles you stand in need of they will come into your life in the lords timing. 

We really are gods children

 I have been walking in the darkness for so long that I forgot the amazing person that I am.  The healing that has been taking place since I decided a month ago that I was going to put my will and trust in my father in heaven has been amazing! I have come to realize that I am a child of God who cares about me deeply just like he does with everyone.  He forgives and forgets when we mess up no matter what so long as we give it to him.  He wipes our tears. He carries us when we can't take another step.  He knows that we all have worth in his eyes.  

If you are walking in the darkness right now just know that it does get better.  Might take time. Might come slowly but it will come if you ask for God's help.  Might be a little here a little there but it will come.  Life is beautiful and more amazing than we can ever imagine just don't give up.  Keep going and know that you are never alone as God is with you. You are loved,  thought of, and never ever alone.  Our mistakes of the past don't define us even if we are still living with the consequences today.  Never stay in the darkness or hopelessness. If you need a friend just reach out because I care! 

Lessons from miscarriages

 Since March is a hard month for me especially this year as now I don't know if I will ever be able to have a family of my own I have been thinking about the lessons I have learned.  Just a year ago I experienced two miscarriages in the month of March and April right after the other.  

1) gods hand is in all things even in trails. I never would have thought that losing a part of myself would be a blessing but since my divorce a part of me is grateful.  I would have ended up being a single mother and it would have been much harder to be able to go back to school like I have.  

2) miracles happen if we only open our eyes to them. I remember like it was yesterday being told that I would never be able to conceive it brooke my heart. Then I was able to conceive and it was such a miracle! Then I lost three babies within a year and each time it felt like I would never be whole again.  Then I found out after bleeding for months finding out that I had cancer and tumors in my ovaries. Then after the surgery my obgyn told me that the tumors had caused the problem with going full term.  Then I thanked God for the heartache because at least I wasn't a single mother.  But I had hope that one day when I found the right guy for me I just might be able to have a family.  Even though I'm still waiting for that miracle I have faith in God that in his timing things will work out the way they are meant to.  

3) there's always hope because God only wants what's best for each of his children. Hes a God of love and hope.  Theres hope for the future even if it might not feel like it in the moment.  

I always imagined being a mother and wife,  having a family of my own.  But I have not been asked what I want but I have been able to choose how I will react.  I choose to have faith in the plan that God has in store for me even if it tears my heart apart.  I choose to believe that God understands better than I do and only wants what will be best for me and my future family.  I choose to put my heart and faith in him and know that he carries me when I can't go on anymore.  I choose to believe that I won't always feel this way and one day I will be whole again with a family of my own.